TRIATHLON TIPS: How to be a Tri-Mate

Here I sit at my home office trying in vain to work, while my husband is riding his trainer about six feet next to me. He is watching the newest X-Men so loudly that you would think that we are in a mega-movie theatre, instead of our 500 square foot basement. Actually it is my home office, our sons play room, our guest room and to top it all of my husbands training headquarters. I have heard it at least a thousand times before while talking with my girlfriends at happy hour. “I don’t know how you do it, I would NEVER be able to put up with all of the training, mess, travel, time away from the family, money…etc that triathlon requires!” Other Tri-Mates frequently complain to me hoping to find a sympathetic ear or at the very least some words of wisdom to stave off divorce. I do not claim to know all of the tricks of being a perfect Tri-Mate, but I have learned a thing or two about how to make triathlon a very positive and healthy element to a relationship and family. I have a number of tips for both the mate and the athlete to keep things running smoothly on the home front.

Tri-Mate tip #1
Really when you think about it, of all the addictions to have, triathlon is really a pretty good one. It keeps your mate healthy and sets a good example of physical fitness for those around you. If you are in a relationship with a triathlete then you probably already know that your mate is probably a bit of an obsessive person. Few triathletes could actually do what they do without this personality trait. In the few times of our marriage that my husband hasn’t been training, the lack of something to do has really taken a toll on his personality. It’s not that he wasn’t still enjoyable to be around, he was just, well…different. A little bit of the spark in him was gone. The truth of the matter is that for most athletes, training and racing is just a part of who they are. If you ask your partner to give this piece of themselves up you may find that they aren’t themselves and after all that is who you fell in love with in the first place right?

Tri-Mate Tip #2
Get Involved!!! Even though you may not be racing, you can still be an active part of your mates training. I have spent countless hours riding a bike beside my husband while he did his running workouts. Even when I was pregnant with our son and couldn’t ride a bike, I drove the car next to him. We have had some of the best conversations during these workouts. We always come back from the workout feeling more connected than when we left. Not only did we get up to three hours of talk time, but I got a little bit of exercise, fresh air and the great feeling of helping my husband through a tough workout. Sometimes when my husband is out on a long ride, I will surprise him with a short visit on the road and a fresh cold cooler in the car. The visit is always short, but it makes me feel good to see him and know that I just made his ride a little bit easier.

When I met my husband, I exercised, but race…are you kidding me!!! I have to say that watching my husband inspired me to up my exercise routine. I started by training and racing in 5k and 10k’s. I eventually got a little bit of the tri-bug and did a few sprints and an Olympic. I just did my first half marathon and am training for a full marathon in June 2007. Now, I am SLOW, truly, I can’t emphasize this enough. However, I have learned through the years that endurance isn’t about speed for everyone. Just getting out there and doing it is all that matters. I found that by experiencing even just a bit of his lifestyle made me so much more understanding of what it is that he does and why he loves it. If you had told me 10 years ago that I would do triathlons and half marathons, I would have laughed in your face. The truth is that I love the life now and I know that it is because I made the choice to become involved.

Tri-Mate Tip #3
I have found that over the years the support that I have given my husband has been reciprocated to me in countless ways. In a partnership it is important that both people be able to pursue their passions. Resentment is one of the most disastrous emotions that a person can feel and it will destroy a relationship. By giving my support, I have in a way earned support for myself. Believing in someone and supporting them unconditionally is one of the most important things that you can give anyone. It feels really good to get it too. Put any resentment that you may have in the garbage, it will get you nowhere. Focus on the positive side of triathlon and support your mate, it will get you far further than doing the opposite.

Believe in your mate, regardless of their ability. Everyone does triathlon for their own reasons. It is vitally important to not base your support on their ability level or performance. Know why your mate is doing this, and throw all of your belief and support behind them.

Tri-Mate Tip #4
Talk to your mate. Triathlon is a unique element in any family relationship. There will be times that it isn’t very convenient. Talk to your mate and tell them what you need them to do to make it easier on you. As with all discussions in a relationship, timing is everything. You may not want to choose the moment they walk into the door after a miserable ride and start telling them what they need to do for you. I always had good luck talking during those long runs discussed in tip #2. Choose a time when both of you feel like you can have a rational discussion.

Tri-Mate Tip #5
Be Sympathetic! I know from experience (see tip # 2) that after a tough workout, you can be so miserable you can hardly stand it. Offer to get your mate something to eat and drink. Don’t rush them right out the door to a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. Give them a quick massage while watching TV at night. Just remember that they really might not be at 100% when getting home, so give them a bit of time to transition into their other role. It will also help if you do not think of the time that they are spending as “free time”. This will be hard sometimes, but it is tough work that they are doing. I know that they are choosing to do it, but still a little bit of sympathy will go a long way.

Now, don’t think that I don’t have a few suggestions for the athlete in the relationship as well. Here are some things that you can do to make things easier for your mate and family.

Tri-Athlete Tip #1
First and foremost, I would suggest that you remember that by having a supportive mate you are incredibly lucky. Now, don’t feel guilty about this, but what you are doing is really pretty out of the ordinary. Your mate and family will sacrifice time, energy and money to help you achieve your goals. Be grateful to them…always. I have heard the speeches given by the winners of races and I am always surprised when they don’t thank their family and mate. I know full well, that they did not get to the podium on their own. Thank them for cooking for you, or going on a run with you, or watching the kids while you train, or whatever else it is that they are taking care of while you are away.

Tri-Athlete Tip #2
Be willing to do things even when you are tired. I know that there will be days when you really, really, really, don’t want to go to your mother in laws house, because you are just so tired from a workout. Or days when you want to eat your own dinner and go straight to bed. The fact is that being a triathlete doesn’t excuse you from all of the other aspects of your life. You still need to change diapers, take out the trash, help with dishes, give baths, go to birthday parties, and all of those other things that we all hate to do. Hopefully, your mate will be sympathetic to how you feel, but also remember that they have been doing hard work all day too.

Tri-Athlete Tip #3
Again, talk to your mate. Triathlon is a big undertaking for a family and a discussion should be had about how to make it work. Talk about how to schedule your training so that it fits into the family schedule. Really, all you need to do is ask your mate what you can do to make it easiest on them. You will find that with this consideration to your mate and family they will be so much more willing to support you.

Tri-Athletes Tip #4
Do activities with your mate and family that have nothing to do with your sport. I have found that doing things as a family that don’t have a thing to do with triathlon are very refreshing. Be willing to put a kink in your training schedule to do something fun. Have a “call in sick to triathlon” day when you can get up and eat breakfast with your family (not the normal healthy breakfast, but the good stuff!), go to the amusement park, or the mountains, or to a sports game and forget about what you should be doing. This will mean the world to your mate…trust me. You may also find these other activities refresh you just as much. I am willing to bet that on the starting line you won’t remember what workout it was that you missed that day, but I bet you remember making Mickey Mouse pancakes and going to a baseball game with your son all of your life.

Tri-Athlete Tip #5
Now, this is one that we are still working on, so I don’t claim to be an expert on this. It is my suggestion that you minimize your impact on your surroundings with triathlon stuff. Try to put your own water bottles in the washer. Try to put your sweaty clothes in the hamper. Try to not leave your gear spread out all over the house. Try to keep the number of bikes in the house lower than the number of people who live there. Try to not get bike grease all over the carpet. Try to not mow the lawn in your stinky workout clothes in front of the whole neighborhood. Try to not wear running shorts to all occasions. Try to limit the number of triathlon magazines to under 100 in the bathroom. Try to not talk about how hot the pro you saw at the coffee house is in front of your mate. Try to not hide the swimming suit in a dark corner, only to be found when your nose tips you off to its existence. Overall try to keep your impact with triathlon talk and stuff to a minimum on the home front.

In Conclusion, It is absolutely possible to have a healthy relationship and family life with a triathlete in the family. I think that it really comes down to an open line of communication, a tremendous amount of support, believing in your mate’s quest of athletic glory, compassion and consideration towards each other. If all else fails, offer to write a newsletter for your husband and sneak in all of the things that you want to talk about into the newsletter. Really, Craig can we do something about the bikes!!!